The Author Burnout Coach
Episode 20: “I’m Not a Real Writer.”
Hey writers! Welcome to episode 20. Today we’re going to talk about a common refrain I hear from new writers–and even published authors, too–that can kill your creative drive. This also came up for multiple clients over the past week, so I knew it was time to talk about it for the podcast.
Let’s talk about the phrase “I’m not a real writer.”
This phrase is sneaky and is often followed by some variation of “because I ______,” and that blank is filled with items from three different categories: actions, feelings, and thoughts.
Now, you can probably guess that I think this whole framework of a list of things that ‘real writers’ do is super unhelpful, but it’s so common and feels so true for so many, so I wanted to address it. This thought pattern can also be something that hides beneath the surface or underneath a layer of “I should do X if I want to succeed.”
I’m going to walk you through these three categories and then share with you my simple solution for unwinding this unhelpful narrative.
We’ll start with actions, since I think these are often the most obvious. I’ll hear things like:
* Real writers write every day
* They write at least 1,000 words at a time
* They read 50 pages a day
* They work for hours a day on their books
* They get new ideas all the time
* They plot out their books before writing
* Real writers love their characters above all else
* Their characters talk to them
* They want to spend all their time in their story
* They write first thing in the morning
* They go on writing retreats
* Don’t take sick days
And on and on. I’m sure as you’re listening to this, you have more you’d add and there are likely items I listed that you never considered before. Yet none of these things are actually required to call yourself a real writer.
Instead of actions, sometimes folks will to external measures of accomplishment to determine if someone is a real writer. They think you have to have an agent or be published or win an award. I’d argue that none of those are required either.
We’ll use me as an example for a moment. Did getting my first offer of rep from an agent suddenly change the quality of my writing? Did I have less skill in the hour before the offer on my debut novel vs the hour after? Of course not! It wasn’t those milestones that made me a writer. Nor was it writing every day. I’ve never once written 365 days in a year. Not a single time in the ten years I’ve been writing.
Being a “real writer” is as simple (and as challenging) as deciding you are one, no matter what. And then writing, in some fashion, in a way that works for you.
But we won’t go down that path quite yet. I want to look at the thoughts and feelings folks tend to assume ‘real writers’ have.
From newer writers, I often hear things like:
* Real writers trust themselves
* They don’t feel so much doubt or never feel any doubt
* They’re comfortable with a messy first draft
* They believe in themselves and their stories 100%
* They like writing more than anything else
* They think about their stories all the time
* Never think their story is broken
* Doesn’t have any mental drama about their work
* Which, side note, is so hilariously untrue based on all the writers I know. We’re masters at having drama about our stories.
* Enjoy each part of the process
Again, you may have your own list of things you believe about real writers. The actual list itself is less important than the origin of the list (and then, of course, the solution).
With all of these–whether it’s what we believe real writers, think, feel, or do–they almost always come from one of two places. Advice you’ve heard other writers say (such as the whole writing every day thing) or they come from looking at your own process and deciding that it’s somehow wrong.
The second version is the one that I find is the most insidious and often overlaps with the advice bit.
When we look at our own writing process, decide what we’re doing is wrong, and then create this image of a “real writer” who does things different than we do–and different here we almost always make mean is also better–we separate ourselves from our desire to claim the title of writer.
We’re making ourselves wrong instead of looking for the ways we’re doing well, and then we pretend it’s simply a fact of the universe that we’re not a valid writer. But it’s NOT a fact. The universe doesn’t hand out certificates of writing validity. YOU are the only one who can decide if you’re a real writer.
Now, as always, I want to point out that this isn’t a personal failing on your part. This isn’t a reason to pile shame on top of your Not Good Enough feelings. Society conditions us to look for our flaws and find the places we’re falling short of societal standards. Even when we achieve success–at least for those of us socialized as women or are part of other marginalized groups and intersections thereof–we’re taught to wave it away. To focus on the people who helped us or how we were just lucky or how our role in our success isn’t actually that significant.
And while yes, we can absolutely acknowledge the places where we hold privilege, that doesn’t mean we need to wash away all the ways we worked to intentionally create this result for ourselves.
We are complex creatures, my friends. We can hold multiple truths at the same time.
We can doubt our abilities AND believe that we can be published or reach whatever writing milestone is next on your list.
We can feel like a fraud sometimes AND feel like a genius at others. It’s part of being human.
So, with that said, what do we do when our brain is really committed to believing we’re not a real writer?
First, write a list of the reasons your brain is offering you for why you’re not a real writer like I did earlier in this episode. Is it about the frequency of writing? The level of doubt? Whatever it is, get it all down on paper or typed up into your phone or computer. However you do it, just get it out of your head where you can examine it.
Now, one at a time, go through that list of shoulds and ask:
Do I think EVERY SINGLE PUBLISHED AUTHOR does this?
Or, put another way:
Is it possible there’s at least one published author who DOESN’T do this?
There’s a good chance your brain will concede that there’s probably one successful and/or “real” writer who doesn’t follow all these rules. When you get that little opening, you can push a little further.
If there are real writers who don’t do this, is it possible that I could also be a real writer?
See if that gets you a little further. I suspect it will.
And if you want to take this work deeper and really be able to own the identity of a writer, I invite you to work with me. I start all my clients with a free consultation call, where we identify the challenges in your writing life and create a custom plan to help you fall in love with writing. I’ll show you how I’ll help you learn to create with more joy and way less burnout. Click the link in the show notes to schedule your consult.
Finally, speaking of links in the show notes, if you’re listening to this before June 6, 2022, I have an amazing free giveaway for you to enter. I’ve partnered with InfoStack for their Write, Publish, Profit stack and to kick off, they’re doing a giveaway of 10 amazing craft books, including titles like Story Genius by Lisa Cron (a personal fave), On Writing by Stephen King, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, and more. You’ll definitely want to check that out.
And then next week, I get to tell you all about the Write, Publish, Profit stack and the course I’ve included as part of the bundle!
See y’all next week! Happy writing!
