Answering Family Questions this Holiday Season

Before I dive into this week's Real Talk, which is all about dealing with potentially awkward publishing questions from friends and family, a quick update!

The Confident Author Academy's January 2026 cohort opens for applications next week!

Applications will open to everyone on Tuesday, November 11th and will close on Saturday, November 22nd. (If you want early access to the application, make sure you join the waitlist! You'll get access to the application on Monday, November 10th).

The Academy is a 6-month small group coaching program for authors who are ready to let go of the stress and burnout that's so common in our industry and build a sustainable career that protects creative joy.

If you're ready to fall back in love with your writing process so you can write consistently and meet deadlines without burning out, make sure you get on the waitlist. You'll also find all the details about the structure of the program on that page, too.

Okay, onto today's topic! 

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With the holidays upon us, you may find yourself preparing to spend time with family you don't see often. For most families, being an author is a career shrouded in mystery and misconceptions. People have questions! Lots of them! 

But sometimes, those questions feel . . . less than great. 

If you're already struggling with doubt or insecurity about the state of your career, having other people ask (sometimes invasive!) questions can make all of that feel even worse. 

Don't worry, though. These conversations don't have to be an emotional landmine.

Today, I've got my best tips for handling these awkward questions, including some example responses to common questions that you can have in your back pocket.

If you want to educate about the industry, keep it simple

There may be some people in your life who you see regularly - and who genuinely support your writing - who you want to have publishing conversations with.

You don't have to get into all the details about the industry, but you can explain some of the basics to help loved ones understand what questions you can actually answer.

A question I've gotten lately is about the slow speed of publishing. I finished editing my Fall 2026 release in July of 2025. More than a year before the book hits shelves.

For people I won't see often - or who I don't want to explain publishing to - I may simply shrug and say "publishing is a slow industry!"

And for the people who I talk to often (like my parents and siblings), I'll go into a bit more detail: "My publisher wants this book to come out in the fall to coincide with spooky season, since that'll likely help with initial sales numbers. There's a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff that has to happen between finishing a book and it coming out, so it needed to wait until next year."

The key is to remember that you don't need to get into the weeds of publishing.

You don't need to explain about publisher sales conferences or the way they work on books in "seasons" or how bookstore buy-in works. "There's lots of behind-the-scenes stuff that happens" is plenty for the vast majority of people. 

In many cases, these questions are a loved one's way of trying to connect with you. They don't actually care how the industry works. They just want to hear about your life and feel close to you. 
 

Have a plan for disengaging if someone's a jerk
 

While most people will ask questions out of a desire for connection, you may have some family members who aren't asking from a good place.

If you find yourself in close proximity to someone who regularly belittles you, treats books (or your genre in particular) as a joke, or is otherwise an asshole, your best bet is to set strong boundaries. 

If that person asks questions about your career, give yourself permission to be vague (“it’s going great, thanks!”) and then ask someone else a question to move the conversation away from you. 

And if they continue to pester you with questions, it’s totally valid to find an excuse to leave the room. Take a bathroom break. Help in the kitchen. Offer to play with the littles if you have any kiddos in your family. 

A definitive statement like, "I don't want to talk about work over the holidays" may help, too. 

Decide they have positive intentions

This one is a bit of a Jedi mind trick, but you can actually decide for yourself what you believe is motivating another person.

In fact, we do this unintentionally all the time -- except our brains usually assign negative motivations to people's words and actions. If someone asks how sales are going, your brain may automatically think things like: 

“They don’t believe in me”

“They’re trying to belittle me”

“They think this isn’t a real job” 

But you don't actually know that's what they're thinking!

Even if they explicitly say "being an author isn't a real career," you can still decide the reason they're saying that. And that reason can just as easily be "they don't want me to succeed" as "they love me and are worried that I won't be survive financially in a creative field." 

You get to decide! No one can stop you from assigning intentions to their words that help YOU feel less shitty.

So when someone asks about sales numbers, instead of deciding they're judging you, you can tell yourself: “They’re only asking about sales because they love me and want to know how my life is going. They don’t know the industry well enough to know a better question to ask me.” 

Doing this isn’t for the other person - it’s for YOU. It feels better to assume people love you but are just a bit clueless about how to show that love in helpful ways.  

Note: Please don't use this to excuse abusive behavior. You do not need to put up with abuse because the other person might have positive intentions. This tool is for the people in your life who generally mean well but don't always know how to show it.

 
Example answers for common questions

How can I get a copy of your book? 

1. "It's available at pretty much any bookstore. Your library may have a copy, too!"
2. (if you think they're finishing for a free copy - if they specifically ask that): "I only get a few free copies from my publisher, and I have to save those for ____." 
3. "I'm actually planning a launch event for the week it comes out! I'll make sure I send you the details once it's planned!" 

Can you connect me with your agent?

1.  "What kind of book have you written? My agent only represents ____." (So many people who ask this have never finished a first draft, so you can redirect them to finishing their book first.) 
2. "I think she's closed to queries right now, unfortunately." (This doesn't even need to be true - and if they ask what a query is - you can direct them to a favorite resource or even "if you google 'how to write a query' there will be lots of great advice!") 
3. "You actually don't need me! You can send her a direct query whenever your book is ready. Here's her website." 

How are sales going?

1. "I don't have specific numbers or anything, but my publisher seems happy!"
2. "I'm pleased so far." 
3. "I won't know until my next royalty statement comes out." 
4. "I try not to worry too much about sales numbers and just focus on writing my next book instead." 

How's your new book going?

1. "It's keeping me busy!" (This can be true whether the writing is going great or terrible, so it's a nice one to keep in your back pocket.) 
2. "I'm hoping to have a draft finished by _____." 
3. "It's feeling a bit tricky lately, but I'll figure it out." 

Are you rich now?

1. "Oh, I wish! Maybe someday."
2. "Not yet! So, you better tell all your friends to buy copies."
3. "Nah, I'm planning to keep my Day Job for a long time yet. I'm so proud of the books I have out, though." 

You should make your book into a movie! That'll make it sell better.

1. "That would be really cool." (And then insert a topic change if needed.)
2. "I would love that. Maybe someday!" 
3. "Ooh, and then I could have those cool movie tie-in covers." (Sharing in their excitement sometimes is all they need to feel connected.) 

For any of these questions that feel particular tricky to you, write out some options that feel best to you and your situation. Taking the time to write out your own answers (even if you just borrow from the options above) can help you actually use them when the time comes.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, when it comes to answer family questions about your career, the more confident you feel about your writing life, the easier it is to answer those questions. That doesn't mean everything needs to be going perfectly, though. Simply trusting that you'll get to the other side of a hard patch is enough to take the sting out of accidentally impolite questions about sales. 

If you need additional support navigating these kinds of conversations, make sure you check out the coaching options I have available. Our January 2026 group is enrolling next week, and there are also a limited number of private coaching spots right now, too. 

Happy writing,
Isabel 

PS - The January 2026 cohort of The Confident Author Academy opens for applications next week! This 6-month group coaching program will help you fall back in love with writing, meet deadlines, and build a sustainable fiction career. Click here to check out all the details and join the waitlist.

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