People Pleasing Your Publisher

So... Last week I cut my pinky in a way that makes it painful (and slow) to write.

Rather than skipping this issue of Real Talk for Writers, I decided to pull a short but insightful email I wrote last year and give it a permeant place here. I hope you enjoy, and I'll be back (hopefully!) on October 2nd with a full-sized issue of Real Talk. 

People Pleasing Your Publisher

There’s a lot of fear wrapped up making requests of a publisher. 

We don’t want to be seen as divas.

We don’t want people to think we’re hard to work with.

We don’t want to burn bridges or end up with a bad reputation

While these fears are normal, they’re almost always unfounded. 

(Fun fact - people who are actually a nightmare to work with don’t go around worrying that they’re a nightmare to work with.)

Asking for a deadline extension, letting your publisher know that the cover they designed doesn’t work for you, and disagreeing with an editorial suggestion are all normal parts of being a professional author. 

It doesn’t make you a diva to share concerns that the cover design might mislead readers into thinking your dark, steamy romance is a sweet romcom. 

Being “professional” does NOT mean accepting everything your publisher does and withholding your opinion. (There's also a lot of patriarchy and toxic capitalism wrapped up in most of our definitions of professional, too, but that's a topic for another day.)

Publishing is a collaboration. This book is your intellectual property. You deserve to ask questions, make suggestions, and be kept in the loop about what’s going on.

I know this is easier said than done for a lot of us. 

Especially if you belong to any marginalized identity, you were socialized to “play nice” in order to keep yourself safe. 

It’s even harder to push back when you believe you simply got lucky when you signed your book deal versus owning that you’re an incredible writer who publishers want to work with.

In order to feel more confident when interacting with your publisher (rather than slipping into people pleasing), you need to see yourself as someone whose perspective is equally important and valued. One of the ways to do that is to practice intentional beliefs. Through repetition of these beliefs, we build up new neural pathways in our brains. The more we build up those pathways, the faster we'll be able to reach for these beliefs when we need to advocate for ourselves. 

Here are some intentional beliefs that I love. Try them on and write down any that feel good to you:

I’m an excellent writer.

No one else tells stories exactly like I do.

My career is just getting started. 

My publisher wants me to have a good experience with them.

The more I speak up, the easier it will get. 

If this publisher isn’t the right match for me, that’s okay. I can sign somewhere else in the future. 

Asking this question could go better than I expect. 

My perspective matters. My voice matters. 

Asking questions doesn’t make you a diva. 

Your agent is there to help you push back when things aren’t going well. 

Requesting deadline extensions is totally normal. 

Being professional doesn’t mean staying quiet in order to keep others “happy.” 

Advocating for yourself gets easier with practice, I promise.

And if you want a deeper dive on where people pleasing comes from and how to break free from that pattern, check out this podcast episode. I interviewed Sara Bybee Fisk, the Stop People Pleasing coach, and our conversation was incredible. Definitely give it a listen if this topic resonates with you.

Until next time, happy writing,
Isabel 

PS - I have 4 spaces for new private clients opening later this fall. Get on the waitlist to be the first to know when spaces are available.

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